He waste no hurt.

I have always had a love for writing. Its always been easier for me to write down what im feeling rather than express it verbally. I tend to ramble on and get side tracked, bouncing around between different times in my life. So why not start a blog? I can talk and ramble on until my heart is content!So here goes nothing... How many of us can look back and pin point one moment, one choice, one decision that changed evrything. I can pick out several. Ive made my fair share of bad decisions, but ive also made some great ones. The latest choice I made was to join a mentoring group for the youth at my church. I jumped at the oppurtunity! I thought how awesome this will be! We get to teach and form personal relationships with these girls... I was pumped! In my car on the way to the first meeting i prayed that God would guide all of the leaders. That we would be able to make a difference and help these girls form a long and beautiful relationship with Him. I prayed for wisdom and guidance and for his will to be done with this group of ladies. I walked into church and I was cought off guard and completly bombarded with nerves and thoughts of doubt as if I should even be there. So nervous I was almost shaking. I began to doubt if I was even qualified to be apart of this. If I had any actual wisdom to make a difference. My teeneage years were tough. I made several really bad choices. I was so angry and bitter, I trusted nothing and no one. I had no relationship with christ at that point in my life. My head was screaming that I had made a mistake. "what are you doing here? You dont belong here. Are you crazy enough to think you can do anything helpful?" I was ready to just run! I ran into a friend that had recently read my testimony and we started talking. I told her how i was feeling, she didnt hesitate for a second to tell me I was right where I was needed and not to let nerves or doubt affect me. She knew all my short commings and faults and she encouraged me in that moment. (sometimes mentors need mentoring :) ) Class stared and I began to relax. I was able to share with them. I listened and observed these girls. I enjoyed every second of that class with them. I was also able to realize I was not the only one who questioned being qualified. I learned I am NOT qualifed ...but God had equiped me with everything that I would need. I see such greatness and potential in every single one of them. They have so many questions but they are seeking truth in the right places. They are eager and willing to grow and learn. They have hearts of gold. I almost made a huge mistake because I started to believe the lies I was telling myself. It wasnt the enemy, it was just ME. I almost let down those girls, and the other leaders relying on my to be present. I doubted what God had put in front of me. Questioned Him about putting me there. But with a little help I ralled and I am thankful. I want to help guide them. I want them to be able to rely on me and confide in me. To trust God with their WHOLE hearts and know his inmesurable love for them. I know He will equip me with what I need. I know this group of girls is destined to do great things for the Kingdome of Heaven. I am thankful he placed that specific friend who knew my faults and understood my feelings at that moment right where she was so He could use her. He is always on time!! So often we get in our own way. I am glad I didnt make the mistake of accepting the lie I was telling myself. I am there for a reason. God watse no hurt. He gave me the story I have for a reason. Maybe my reason is in that room on sunday nights. Maybe, just maybe my mistakes and past brokenness will be a lesson that keeps just one girl from running away from God, and she will RUN TO HIM instead! That is what this is all about. Its not about me or my past. Its about those girls, their present and their future! ***Thanks for reading and trying to understand my jumbled thoughts! I appoligize for the mass amout of spelling and grammer mistakes Im sure are in there!***